Online Dating Feeling Less Attractive

Time for the industry to celebrate, right? Wrong. Just when you'd think the industry would be poised to see its strongest growth, online dating is actually experiencing a slowdown.
The U.S. online dating industry is expected to climb 9 percent year-over-year with revenues of $516 million in 2005 coming from consumer subscriptions alone, said Nate Elliott, an analyst at Jupiter Research. That's slower than the 19 percent growth in 2004. And when compared with a 77 percent jump in 2003, the latest revenue trends seem cause for real concern.
"It's the natural growth curve of the industry," Elliott said. "It took a while for it to gain traction, then we saw several years of explosive growth, and now it will slow down."
The curiosity factor was one driver of business as intrigued browsers flocked to dating sites such as IAC/Interactive (Research)'s Match.com and Yahoo! (Research) Personals. But once the media picked up on the hype with films such as "Must Love Dogs" and Disney (Research)'s ABC Networks documentary/reality show "Hooking Up," it became evident that the mystique was gone.
Blame some of that on the creepiness factor, in which users finally tired of the endless barrage of oddball suitors from various sites. One former online dater said the abundance of freaks that sent her e-mails -- one resembled the Incredible Hulk while another said he preferred educated women who would spend their lives serving him -- turned her off the online scene. She eventually met her current boyfriend through friends.
While growth has slowed down, online dating is too ingrained to fade away, said Bill Tancer, general manager of worldwide research at Hitwise, an Internet market research firm. There are currently nearly 1,000 dating Web sites, Tancer said, and online dating makes up 1 percent of all Internet usage -- in other words one out of every 100 people logging on visits an online dating site.
But now enterprising singles are being slightly more select in the sites they visit. Niche sites, focused on religion or ethnicity -- such as Spark Networks (Research)' successful JDate.com for Jewish singles, or a number of sites aimed at Indians -- are popular. There are even sites centered on specific interests, such as Cowboydating.com (yee hah!), that pull in more visitors and subscription dollars.
Meanwhile, social networking sites like Friendster.com and News Corp (Research).'s MySpace.com have become increasingly popular among the younger demographic set -- those between the ages of 18 and 24.
Social networking is a difficult genre to classify. While it can be argued that all dating sites are about social networking at some level, sites like MySpace.com allow users to make connections with friends of friends and provide access to music, games and other interactive content. Since the site is marketed to singles, families and even business people looking to network, users can chat with other users without the pressure of dating.
Under the guise of sharing interests or friendship, those who log on are more inclined to find compatible mates. And social networking sites generally don't charge.
That's giving traditional online dating sites a run for their money, said John Tinker, research analyst at ThinkEquity Partners.
Tinker said that in a more competitive environment, the Big 3 online dating sites -- Yahoo! Personals, Match.com and EHarmony.com -- will have to tweak their business models and create new innovative products to grow revenue.
One place to look is advertising. Date.com's CEO Meir Strahlberg said that advertising revenues have doubled in the past few months to 10 percent of total revenue.
"There are 86 million single adults who control annual spending of $1.6 trillion," Strahlberg said. "Online dating sites reach about 30 percent of that market currently."
He said that the company can target an advertiser's products to almost any demographic based on user profiles -- an attractive point for an advertiser.
Tinker agreed that with the maturity of the Internet, online advertising has become more common and will be an increasing means of revenue growth.
Yahoo! Personals vice president and general manager Lorna Borenstein said the site, which currently leads the market, has the competitive advantage of being on a network with more than 380 million monthly visitors.
She added that the Yahoo! Personals was the first site to launch a customized approach to online dating last November.
"Today's online daters are increasingly sophisticated," she said. "You can't just increase offerings; you have to help singles figure out their relationship goals and offer tools to help them find their version of success, whatever that might be."

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Dating Tips And Advice For Workaholics

When I first began Internet dating, I was a marketing director for one of Milwaukee’s largest construction firms, I went to school full-time, and I was working on publishing a book of poetry. And yet, I wondered, why hadn’t I met the right person yet? It never dawned on me that my crazy, frenetic schedule could possibly be the reason.
I approached Internet dating like another work project. Soon I was emailing and meeting new guys on a very frequent basis. Of course, I always met them somewhere convenient and quick, a coffee shop as my favorite place. I could pop in, chat for an hour (which was always my personal rule) and then be on my way. It was merely another meeting I mentally checked off my ever-growing list of to-do’s.
And sure, the occasional guy would gripe because I’d have to reschedule our dates... and reschedule... and then sometimes, cancel. But hey, I figured, if he can’t understand that I’m a busy girl with a life of my own then he wasn’t worth his salt. Right?
It wasn’t until I had met one man via email, who was slightly older than me, with kids and a business he started up and had recently expanded. He sounded smart and interesting and I was intrigued by his emails. Finally the day came when we agreed to meet. I scheduled the date on my calendar for the next week, but as the date approached I realized there was no way I’d be able to make the time and called him to cancel. He was gracious and we continued to talk on the phone, each time I was anxious to get him off the line because I figured I’d have time to get to know him once we met. We scheduled another date and I had to cancel that was as well – a last minute proposal had popped up at my desk courtesy of my unable-to-please boss.
I’m ashamed to say I rescheduled our date three more times. Then finally, finally a couple weeks later I met him right before Christmas. I had taken the day off work but was going in to “catch up” on last minute paperwork. I agreed to meet him for a quick cup of coffee on my way in.
He was handsome and funny and I liked him immediately. Then he said something that made me stop in my tracks, the needle loudly screeching off the soundtrack of my busy life.
“I just had to meet this girl who thinks she’s busier than everyone else.”
It was said in an amusing, not condescending or rude, way. No doubt my mouth hung open as I said, “Huh?”
Perhaps from his own experience, he said, “You my dear, are a workaholic.”
I tried to tell him, it wasn’t me, it was my stupid job... but he shook his head, instead challenging me to go out with him on a real date as soon as Christmas was over and then not change or cancel. He left it with me.
Try and I might, I never really found the time, and when a month had passed, I was too embarrassed to call him. I got his point, however, and wondered how many times I’d given this same runaround to other men. I saw my life in a different light, and vowed to change my ways.
As it happened, that change was made for me as I was abruptly let go from my job. I found it ironic that the job I’d given so much energy to (not to mention 60-plus hours a week) would discard me so easily. And when I looked my life I saw I had nothing left. I continued going to school, and spent some time working on my book. But there was a change in me. I took things at a slower pace.
I continued Internet dating and this time approached it with more patience. Three weeks later I went on a date with a man that was running late. He called me to let me know and instead of just canceling or rescheduling I hung out and drank my tea and relaxed while I waited. As if by fate, my original date, the one who’d claimed me the workaholic, popped in.
He laughed when he saw me, asked “how’s the busy lady today?” and when I told him I lost my job, he shook his head. I told him “I’m much different now” than when we went out and he looked at me a long moment before concluding that he believed that. He left just before my new date, Andy, showed up, and instead of my “hour and out” rule I stayed for three. We chatted, and in short, I married Andy a year later.
Would I have still met and married my husband if I’d had been the crazy workaholic girl from before? I doubt it. So for all you guys and gals that live with the die at your desk mentality, take note:
1) First Determine If You Are a WorkaholicAny kind of “aholic” works to fill an inner-need by filling it up with something else, and the first step is admitting you have a problem. If you are truly a workaholic you’re probably putting aside your friends and potential mates in favor of work. Or, have you simply fallen into a pattern of working long hours? Did you wind up with a demanding boss and equally demanding clients and can’t find enough hours in the day to satisfy them? Or are you working towards a promotion, and once you get it you’ll be able to slow down? Or maybe you just like being busy. Once you determine the root of the issue you can work to correct it. If you feel like your boss doesn’t understand maybe you’ll have to get a new job. Or maybe you just need to learn to say “no” once in a while.
2) It’s All About PrioritiesI’ve heard it said that when someone tells you they are too busy to call, they are really telling you they don’t have a priority to call you. As harsh as that may seem, it rings true as we get older and our lives become busier. Maybe you really don’t need to work the hours you do, but you find it a good excuse to put off potential dates. If you don’t want to meet a particular date, do you use work as your standby excuse? Do you find that you really do have time to do certain things and not others? Sure, work emergencies come up, but you need to realize that you are in control of your life. Not your boss.
3) Make Sure Your Attention Is On Your Date When You’re With ThemEven if you have a demanding job, you’re going to have to learn to balance your work and home life. And if you don’t get this concept down, you won’t have a home life to balance. So when you are with your date, pay attention. Listen. Acknowledge things they say and respond to them. Use the time you are with them to truly get to know them, instead of thinking of what you have to do back at work. Turn off that super-busy switch in your head and relax so they can get to know the real you. When you are at the office, take time during the day to email them and let them know you are thinking of them. Call them. In short, communicate. Yes, it will take effort on your part but all relationships do. And it’s worth it.
4) Take Some Tips From Your Married CohortsIf you’re single you’ve probably noticed that sometimes married folks have a better deal when it comes to business emergencies. If a project required working late, my married coworkers would have real, honest-to-goodness obligations – picking up their kids from daycare, have to put dinner on, etc. Inevitably I would have to work late while I watched them leave on time each day. Was it fair? The married folks would probably say yes, but consider this – is your life less important? It can be hard to tell employers no when you don’t have to pick up kids from childcare but just really need to get home and do wash. But don’t be afraid to say no. You don’t need to give an explanation, you can simply say, “I’m not available.” Your time is just as valuable as the next person’s.
5) Start Developing Your Life Outside of WorkIf the majority of your friends are at work, you need to get out. (This goes double if the majority of your ex’s are people you’ve met at the office.) Spend some time engaging in your hobbies (or finding some, if you’ve really been cooped up at the office.) Hanging out with non-work folks will broaden your horizons and help you to converse about things other than work. Don’t you hate it when someone drones on and on about their job and can’t talk about anything else? You might even meet someone cute and fun that you’ll end up dating.

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12 Tips For Safe Dating Online

12 Tips For Safe Online Dating

There’s a nervousness, thrill, and excitement that occurs when meeting a person for the first time face to face. Yet amongst the thrill, remember to always be on your guard when going out on a date with someone you barely know.
Here are 12 tips on dating safety to help you get started:
1. Arrange to meet him. When meeting for the first time, never allow your date to pick you up from your home. In fact, your date shouldn't even know your home address yet!
2. Meet in public places. For a first meeting, always meet in a public place where other people are in close proximity. You may also want to consider going out with a group of people, or a double date.
3. Go dutch by paying half of the bill. It's always respectful for the man to offer to pay the bill. Unfortunately, some men ruin the gesture by expecting something in return. Therefore it may not be a bad idea for you to go dutch. Pay half the bill so that you won't feel under any obligation to "return" the favor.
4. Remember that alcohol affects your judgment.The biggest threat to a person's judgment, when on a date, is alcohol. Not only does it affect your judgment, but alcohol also lessens your inhibitions. If you are drinking, keep your drink in sight at all times and don’t get so drunk that you don’t know what you are doing. Better yet, try to avoid alcohol on your first date.
5. Use your own mode of transportation. Provide your own transportation to your public meeting place and make sure you have more than enough gas.
6. Don't assume that a man is safe. It's important never to let your guard down when on a first date. Never assume a man is safe just because he claims to be religious or a gentleman.
7. Don’t let him know where you live. If you want to see him again, arrange a second date and then take it from there.
8. Avoid secluded areas. Remember - stay in a public place for your first date and avoid secluded areas such as parks.
9. Listen to your gut. If something doesn't feel right, it probably isn't. And if you haven’t met him before, and you know at the beginning of the date that something doesn’t feel right, then leave immediately.
10. Always let someone else know where you're going. Be sure someone knows where you are going and who you'll be with. You might even consider arranging a time to call and check in. Or you could arrange to meet up with friends later that night.
11. Give him your cell phone number. It's safer to give out a cell phone number instead of your home phone number (click here for why).
12. Always remain alert. Even if you’re having a blast and the chemistry is great, it’s a good idea to remain alert the whole evening. Make sure you have a cell phone on you.
Dating safely is very important. In the initial stages of dating and online dating, you are still getting to know someone you know very little about. By creating a safe environment to know the person, you’re creating a better situation for yourself.

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10 Important Dating Tips For Men

There is a saying that "you never get a second chance to make a good first impression." With that in mind, it is vital to be fully prepared to make a great impression on each date you go on. Here are 10 tips for men on dating success and making an impression that will last.
1. Take a Bath or ShowerOne of the worst things you could do when going out on a date (especially if it is your first date) is to turn up unshaven, looking dirty and smelling. Women are the cleaner of the species and will partly judge you on how hygienic you are. After all, you would be appalled if she turned up for the date looking like a mutt dog with tangled fur that hadn't bathed for days.
It doesn’t cost anything to take a bath and to make an effort to look and smell nice. Remember, bad breath and body odor are an instant turn off and she will assume that this is how you are all the time even if you are just having a bad day. As a result, she won’t be able to see beyond your appearance.
2. Arrive on TimeWhatever you do, don’t turn up late. Turning up late will send out all the wrong impressions. At first she may think she's been stood up, but after arriving late her opinion will change to you being unreliable or not caring enough about her to be on time. If you are picking her up from her home then it is advisable to turn up five minute before you are due. Any earlier and you might catch her adjusting her makeup or still getting ready. Five minutes early is the earliest you should arrive. But never be late.
3. Give Her a Thoughtful GiftA woman feels special when the man she is with gives her a thoughtful gift. What is a thoughtful gift? Well, you obvious know some things about a woman before a first date that came from phone conversations, emails, etc. Take what you know and buy her an appropriate date gift. For example, let's say that the woman really likes golf. There are companies that make chocolate golf sets - a miniature chocolate club with a chocolate tee and chocolate golf ball. This would make a great first date gift. For a generic thoughtful gift, buy a chocolate rose. That's always appropriate without being overboard.
4. Be a GentlemanHold the door open for her, let her walk through the doors first, pull her chair, and be polite to her along with the people around you. Women like to feel special and by treating her like a lady she will think you are fantastic.
5. Compliment Her The first thing to say to her is you look beautiful before you even ask how she is. Keep up the compliments throughout your date, but do not go over board (3-4 for the night should be more than enough). A woman loves to be complimented, to feel beautiful and to think that you are attracted to her. The more sincere and observant your compliment, the bigger impact it will have. But remember again not to go overboard. More than four compliments may make you appear fake and not real.
6. Listen to Her and Ask QuestionsNobody wants to spend the whole night listening to someone talk about themselves. But you do have to get to know each other. Ask her questions, but more importantly listen to what she has to say. A woman is attracted to a man who is genuinely interested in hearing what she has to say. Spend a lot more time asking her questions and letting her talk than talking yourself.
7. Prepare for the ConversationThe last thing you want is to be sitting at a meal with nothing to talk about. Think about your date and what you would like to know about her. You may think that it is easy to talk and that you will not run out of questions to ask or that you will automatically have the answers but until you are in the situation, you have no idea what it will be like. Avoid talking about past relationships or other women while on the date. Keep your focus, attention, and conversation fully on her.
8. Pay for the DateIt's virtually always appropriate for a gentleman to offer to pay for the date. When a man takes it upon himself to pay for the date, he is displaying that old act of "chivalry" that is missing from many men these days. However, some women feel more comfortable going "dutch" and if she insists on this, then don't resist. To avoid awkwardness, make sure you let her know before the date that you plan on paying for it.
9. The Goodnight Kiss Some women prefer not to kiss after a first date, while others may be disappointed if the guy doesn't even try. There is no easy answer to this question. Body language and chemistry throughout the night is key in the decision you make. If it feels right, then you may want to consider making the move. If it doesn't feel right then a friendly hug may be more appropriate.
10. I'll Call YouOnly tell her that you will call her if you mean it and intend on seeing her again. Do not, under any circumstances, tell her you will call her if you are not interested and have no plans to call her. In this case, when saying goodbye, just say, "It was nice meeting you" and wish her luck. Or you could just say good night, smile and walk a way. But if you do like her and are interested, then you must let her know.

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